Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
