Even my vagina gasped.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
