It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
