I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
