Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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