Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
