dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
