I cannot find my penis.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
