Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
