Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
