if i can run in heels then i can drive
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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