I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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