Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
