i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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