I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
