don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
