well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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