the condom got lost in my hair
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
