So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
