end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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