Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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