Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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