Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
