I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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