it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
