Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
