i think my tv is drunk
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You are a genius and a whore.
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