Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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