the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
