Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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