I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
