Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
