There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
