what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
