let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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