"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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