Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
