Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
