It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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