so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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