I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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