the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
