he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
