dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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