I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
