she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
