We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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