I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I want her autograph on my taint
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
