im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
