woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
