Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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