Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
